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Joke of the Day

Talk about anything you like in here as long as it doesn't break the forum rules. Post jokes, post amusing stories, post photographs... Please remember that this forum has a (suitable for all) Universal rating.

Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Wed Sep 16, 2015 9:22 am

I was flying my light aircraft when I encountered engine trouble. I had to ditch in a lake.

I was really worried at first but it was plane sailing really. :D
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Tue Nov 24, 2015 10:48 am

I just read that over 1 billion train journeys were made in the UK last year.

Probably made by just one guy trying to get from Birmingham to London :lol:
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Tue Nov 24, 2015 10:49 am

Thank you, driver, for informing us that you have a Baby on Board and that a Dog Is For Life. Now could you please GET OFF THE PHONE :roll:
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Thu Feb 11, 2016 8:29 pm

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. “No problem!” the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power. Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped and made the following announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and that we are stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane.” :lol:
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Thu Feb 11, 2016 8:30 pm

I've been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns...but I keep getting side tracked.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:40 pm

Elvis Presley must have loved trains, well he did sang "Love Me Tender" ;)
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:41 pm

Three somewhat elderly gentlemen were travelling home on the London Underground after spending an evening at the pub. The following conversation takes place.
“Is this Wembly?”
“No, it’s Thursday”
“So am I, let’s have another drink”
:D
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Thu Mar 10, 2016 2:42 pm

Ticket Clerk... "... and a pound for the dog."
Passenger... "It's only a small dog."
Ticket Clerk... "It's only a small ticket."
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Joke of the Day

Postby Honey Monster » Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:56 pm

Roger was on a train, mumbling to himself, smiling, and then raising his hand.

After a moment of silence, he would go through the same process … mumble, smile, raise hand, silence.

Maggie watched this closely, and after about ¼ an hour, she said, in a concerned voice, ‘Excuse me. Is anything the matter?'
'Oh, no,’ Roger answered. ‘It’s just that these long trips get very tedious so I tell myself jokes.'

'Why then', inquired Maggie, ‘do you keep raising your hand?’

‘Well,’ smiled Roger, ‘that’s to interrupt myself because I’ve heard that joke before.’ :roll:
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